Wide Awake
by Rassilon001
Summary: Yoko awakens to find herself in an asylum, unable to differentiate between reality and fantasy. Join as she descends down the rabbit hole, trying to make sense of her situation, and find out who she really is.
1. Denial

**Disclaimer:  
**I do not own Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, or any of the associated characters or universe. They belong to Gainax.

**Summary:  
**Yoko awakens to find herself in an asylum, unable to differentiate between reality and fantasy. Join as she descends down the rabbit hole, trying to make sense of her situation, and find out who she really is. Rated PG-13 for violence and some horror, to say nothing of a great deal of fanservice. But then again, it's Yoko, what did you expect?

* * *

Yoko opened her eyes.

An unfamiliar ceiling greeted her.

Blinking, she slowly sat up, noting as she did she was lying on a bed of pristine white. In fact, everything about the room seemed to share the same lack of color, from the walls to the bed to the door. The ceiling was bare, only the light from the far window provided an illumination. Sitting up further, Yoko saw the window was barred from the outside. Similarly, the window built into the door had mesh wires. It must have been locked. The only real features to be found were a sink and mirror against the far wall. Curious, Yoko padded over to it, trying not to wince at just how cold the linoleum floor felt against her bare feet.

Her reflection greeted her in the mirror, the same beautiful bombshell who always turned at least a dozen heads just by entering a room. But she looked tired, worn out, if not downright exhausted. Not quite bags, but there was definitely a darkening under her golden eyes, and her once luxurious red mane of hair was frazzled and full of split ends. Idly Yoko lifted up her arms and turned her body, arching her back and examining herself from other angles, pleased to find she had kept her remarkable figure at least. Strong arms, ample bust, tight tummy, and curvy hips all exactly as they should be, making her both beautiful and dangerous. It was enough to bring a small smile back to her weary face.

But the mirror, while answering some questions, failed to answer the one most pressing on her mind.

Why was she here? And for that matter, where _was_ here?

There came a knock on the door, sudden and loud as a gunshot, and she almost jumped in surprise.

"Littner, you in there?" came a harsh voice from outside.

"Uhm... yes?" she hesitantly replied.

The door shuddered as the handle twisted, and the distinct sound of a key unlocking it caught Yoko's ear. Unsure what to make of this, unsure of what to do, Yoko froze like a deer caught in the headlights of a car as the door swung open and a woman stepped into the frame. "Come on then, doc heard you were awake. Said he wanted to see you."

It was a woman not much older than Yoko, though she seemed to have prematurely aged, with lines around her eyes from sleepless nights and a very sour expression. Her right eye was an angry shade of red, and her left was covered by a medical patch that bore a red cross. Her long blue hair seemed to reach down to her waist before it was caught up in a ribbon almost as an afterthought. She wore a tight white medical scrub and some dark red pants, both of which served to showcase that she still had the body of a twenty year old model, busty and curved in all the right places.

She looked familiar somehow, but Yoko couldn't place her features. But whoever she was, she looked _mean_.

"Let's get going, Littner," her voice snapped Yoko back to reality, and hesitantly, the redhead followed her out into the hallway. The floor was even cooler here, making her wish she had something to wear on her feet, but the nurse evidently didn't feel she deserved such niceties as she all but marched her along down the hallway.

"Where're we going?" Yoko asked hesitantly.

"To see the doc, now get a move on, I ain't long left on shift and I wanna get this done."

Evidently she didn't care much for small talk. Yoko kept up with her as she led the way down the hall. More doors lined both sides with similar wired windows. Occasionally, she caught sight of an occupant peering through the glass at her. Some looked on with curiosity. Some glared at her through the mesh wire glass, their eyes full of hate and malice. At one of the doors, a man with a wild mop of white hair and a bristly mustache threw himself suddenly against the viewing window, making Yoko recoil fearfully.

"Don't listen to them! You're not crazy! They're the crazy ones!"

The woman in the eye patch slammed her fist none-too-gently against the side of the window, startling the man behind it back. Grimacing, the blue-haired woman then cradled her fist in hand, obviously having hit harder than she intended to.

"Damn crazies," she muttered. "They don't pay me enough for this... God, I need a smoke..."

Yoko shivered, turning her gaze forward, and just kept walking, intent on not provoking the woman further. Just what was this horrible place she'd come to? Why was she here? And where _was_ here?

* * *

The winding corridors of the establishment twisted and turned, sometimes in seemingly impossible ways. Yoko was almost positive she'd been down one particular stretch of doors and windows twice. Everything looked almost the same though, so it was difficult to tell. Finally, they stopped outside one such door that looked much nicer looking than the others, with a sign that read 'Head Psychiatrist' in bright bold letters. The window was much larger on the door, and there was no criss-crossing wire here.

The woman escorting her gestured rudely for her to stand still while she knocked. After a moment a voice emerged from within.

"Do come in please," it said.

The door slid open, and Yoko stepped inside with the other woman, taking a look around. It was a pleasant little office, the walls a warm, dull yellow in color that evoked a calming influence, and covered with a number of plaques, awards, diplomas, and paintings that drew her eye every which way, unable to focus on anything particular at a time. A mahogany desk, a pair of padded chairs, and a long couch were the main furniture, all old designs that looked very comfortable to Yoko. The air had a faint smell of smoke, or perhaps it was incense? She couldn't identify it, but it smelled slightly sweet, which rather than make her feel at ease filled her with a faint nausea.

"Come in, come in... don't be shy."

Behind the desk sat an older gentleman, perhaps mid-fifties if Yoko had to guess his age, with hair of ivory and a short beard and thin mustache that covered a kindly, faintly wrinkled face. His eyes almost twinkled behind a pair of horn rim glasses. He gave her a kindly smile as he indicated a seat in front of his desk for her. Unlike the nurse, he was not dressed as a medical practitioner. A white coat hung on a peg in the corner of the room, but for the moment he was wearing a brown jacket and a faded navy-blue sweater, making him seem much more approachable and caring. Likely an image he cultivated on purpose.

"Hello Yoko," he asked in a soft tone. "Do you remember me?"

She tried to wrack her brain, coming up with a few names and faces, but none of them matched his. "I'm sorry, I don't."

"Well, once more then... my full name is Doctor Tali Ran Psi..." he indicated a plaque on his desk which had such written on it. "I'm head of psychology here. We've been having sessions together on and off for... oh, the past three years or so, ever since I started consulting here. Is any of this ringing a bell?"

For a second, it almost did, like there was an actual chiming in her head. A church bell ringing, to be precise, low and throbbing in the back of her head. She pressed two fingers to her temple and the pain faded away almost instantly, but left her mind no clearer than before.

"I... no, I'm sorry... where am I? What is this place?"

Doctor Psi shared a glance with the woman who'd brought Yoko in. She just rolled her eyes. Ignoring his more cynical medical staff, he favored Yoko with a compassionate look. "This is the Tepplin Psychiatric Hospital, in Tepplin City. You were born and raised only a few miles away in a place called Littner... remember?"

"Littner..." the name tugged at her mind, creating again that sense of familiarity.

"Yoko... what's the last thing that you remember?" he asked gently.

She opened her mouth to respond, but only managed an awkward sound before closing it, unsure of what to say. Yoko tried to think back, but she couldn't recall any further than a little while ago when she'd first woken up. It was all just a chaotic mess in her head. She saw flashes of images: fighting, running, kissing, wielding a gun, no wait, a naginata... no, it was definitely a gun. A rifle. But none of them made any sense, and none of them seemed quite real to her. Yoko's eyes widened as she realized she only had one answer: nothing. She remembered absolutely nothing. Her mind seemed like a wholly blank slate, utterly empty.

Perhaps sensing her distress, the good doctor saw fit to fill in some of the gaps.

"Yoko... for the last three and a half years, you've been a resident here, following your... unfortunate breakdown. Everything else: your fights, your enemies, your comrades... it's all been a delusion. You weaved a world of fantasy around you so tightly it was difficult for you to see the world as it really is. Several times, in fact."

"No, that... that can't be..."

"When you were a child, you had something of an... extraordinary imagination, to compensate for the dullness of the life you led. You built a whole world around it. A world of struggle and strife, with you as the heroine. Fighting... beast men and..." he paused a moment to check his notes. "Some sort of... strange aliens. But in time, as with all childish fantasies, those faded... unfortunately, when your husband died, you suffered a psychotic break. Your mind simply wasn't able to deal with the trauma of being alone again."

"Husband?" she asked, puzzled. She looked down at her hands, but her fingers were unmarked. No ring, and no paler band of flesh to indicate she'd been wearing one recently.

"You were married to a soldier," Doctor Psi explained, rummaging through a folder and drawing out a photograph. "He died shortly after the two of you were wed on the battlefield... that was almost... four years ago now."

He held out the photograph, and Yoko took it in her trembling hands, peering at the image contained therein. It wasn't an especially good photo, it looked like whomever had taken it had been using a handheld camera, and the image was slightly blurred. She could make out enough to tell it was the face of a handsome looking man. Tall, sturdy shoulders, a ragged head of hair that fit with the 'devil may care' grin on his handsome face... but beyond that she couldn't make out finer details. The color had faded from the photo so it was all washed out browns and tans, she couldn't even be positive what color his hair was, a shade of blue or a dark blonde.

* * *

Yoko stood on some distant battlefield... was it a rocky wasteland in the morning rain? Was it the deck of a space battleship? She wasn't sure. She saw the man who loved her. And she loved him, at least a little. His strong arms wrapped around her shoulders, and she gently return the gesture, embracing his midsection as their bodies pressed up close together.

Their lips met... and his final, fatal fate became sealed in a kiss...

* * *

As abruptly as the memories had come, they faded away, lingering on the edge of her conscious mind but unable to be called forth with any vivid details, only vagueness. Yoko took another long look at the photograph in Doctor Psi's hand, but she still didn't recognize the individual shown there. They were a stranger to her.

"I'm sorry, that's not my husband," Yoko protested. She wasn't sure who it was, but she'd never seen the person before in her life.

"Yoko..."

"It's not!" she suddenly shouted, then slapped her hands to her mouth, unable to believe she'd yelled so loudly. The woman in the eye patch stepped forward, but Doctor Psi gently held up a hand to stop her.

"It's alright, Adiane. Yoko, listen... please... I know this is difficult for you..."

She closed her eyes tightly, trying to shut out his voice. This was wrong, all of it felt wrong. She wasn't supposed to be here. This wasn't her home and this wasn't what she was supposed to be doing. Yoko started to squirm in agitation, about to climb to her feet when Adiane shoved her back down in her chair by the shoulder.

Her eyes blinked open... and everything was different.

* * *

Bullets flew through the air as beastmen converged on Yoko from every angle, some sort of sickening, twisted fish-headed freaks. They swarmed her en masse but they were slow and clumsy, Yoko casually slammed the butt of her rifle into one's face, spinning the weapon around like a staff and knocking back two more. A trio converged on her blind spot but she expertly loaded and fired off a round at their feet, the sheer force of which sent them flying.

Yoko was untouchable, invincible, unstoppable. And she just kept on fighting. She tugged back on the bolt and popped the empty shell, loading another to continue the battle.

As she did, the smoke cleared behind her. Without looking, she could sense a new danger approaching. Adiane the Elegant loomed behind her, resplendent in her beautiful kimono, ready to eviscerate Yoko with her scorpion tail, which reared up, about to strike...!

* * *

As abruptly as it had started, it all came to an end.

Yoko blinked her eyes, her head throbbing, and realized she was back in the office with Doctor Psi. He was gazing at her with an unreadable expression, taking a moment to adjust his glasses before making a note on a piece of paper on his desk.

"Yoko? Is everything alright? It looked like we lost you there for a moment..."

"I'm fine," she replied, finding her voice hoarse. Lifting a hand to her cheeks, she found they were slightly damp with tears. She brushed them away furiously, feeling her cheeks grow hot with shame. "I'm fine," she repeated more firmly. "I'm not crazy," she protested.

He shook his head. "I prefer not to use that term, Yoko... it's so... damaging. But you aren't well..."

"So what happens now?" Yoko asked bitterly. "Ink blots? Word associations? Or do we skip that and go straight for brain surgery?"

He barked a short laugh at that. "No need for such extreme measures. At least not yet. That seems like it was a very mild episode," Psi said, stroking his pale beard. "It's a good sign, Yoko. It means your treatment is working. Even so, I'd like to keep up our sessions and..."

"No, I mean... I don't feel crazy... I know who I am," Yoko protested. "I shouldn't be here... I should be-"

"I'm afraid that's not an option, Yoko. You know that," he replied.

"Why?"

"We're concerned for your safety. Your delusions have been particularly strong in the past, and you've been a danger not only to yourself but others around you. Like what happened to your parents."

"My... my what?" she asked, feeling a sinking feeling in her stomach.

"... maybe you're not ready yet to hear about that," Doctor Psi said gently, shifting the files in his hands. Yoko reached out, gently placing hers over his.

"What about my parents?" she asked, dreading the answer, but with a desperate desire to know. She could tell even without his saying anything something was truly, terribly wrong here.

He gave her a measured look from behind his glasses, gauging her mental fortitude and inner strength, and silently conceded she did indeed look strong enough to bear it. "After your breakdown, when your husband died... you first went home, to see your parents. At first you were... highly depressed and strongly in denial about his passing but... they gave you your space and hoped you'd be able to recover with their tender loving care. Unfortunately... one day you sunk a little too deeply into one of your delusions. Your thought your parents were your enemy... keeping you from your true loved one."

The implications were ghastly, to say the least. Yoko's eyes widened as her irises shrunk to pinpricks in horror. "No..."

* * *

It was storming outside. Rainfall was heavy this time of year, and lightning flashed outside the windows of the kitchen. The lights had gone out, it seemed there was a momentary power outage. Mother and father were gathered in the kitchen, the latter trying to light a candle to provide some illumination.

Striking a match, he lit the red candle, casting a warm glow over both their faces... and illuminating a pair of golden eyes that emerged from the darkness behind them.

Both parents jumped in shock as lightning illuminated the kitchen, showing Yoko standing there, eyes dull and unseeing as she stared straight ahead, tears streaming down her pale cheeks from crying. Her arm came up like it was a puppet's, jerking on a string, and she reached for the cutting board laying on the kitchen countertop beside her.

Mother and father could only stare in mute terror as her hand jerked up again, her expression unchanging. Lightning flashed outside, thunder rolling in its wake, as her arm descended. Once. Then twice. Then again and again and again still.

When she finally came to, Yoko could only blink her eyes, feeling surprisingly warm, her body covered in a sticky fluid. Lifting up her stained hands, she saw they were covered in red. She still held the murder instrument in her right hand. On the floor, in front of her... well... they were almost wholly unrecognizable. Mother and father lay side by side in pools of blood.

The bloody weapon clattered to the ground as Yoko sank to her knees and wailed in pain and horror.

* * *

"You..." Doctor Psi went on in obvious discomfort. "Well, there was a kitchen knife..."

"NO!" she protested, leaping up and slamming her hands down on the table. "I wouldn't! I couldn't do something like that! I-!"

A pinprick of fire made her gasp as something plunged into her arm. Looking up, Yoko saw the orderly, Adiane, with a syringe in hand. The sharp tip had just exited her skin, leaving behind scarcely a mark, yet its contents had just been pumped into her bloodstream.

"What did you... what... why...?" she felt her eyes flutter and slumped back into the padded chair in front of the desk, head rolling to one side as all the strength emptied out of her.

Doctor Psi relaxed a little at the sight of such. "It's alright... it's just a mild sedative to help you relax... Adiane, I think we're done here for today, can you escort Yoko back to her room?"

"I'm off shift in like ten minutes," she protested, indicating the clock.

Doctor Psi sighed, lifting up his glasses and rubbing his eyes. "Very well, have your relief attend to her please, we want to make sure you're as comfortable as possible," he directed the last bit to Yoko, who slumped in her seat, feeling weak all over.

She gave a dim nod of her head, but she didn't feel comfortable.

She felt afraid.

* * *

She was returned to her room by another orderly, a tall, thin man with a mane of silvery hair whose nametag read 'Cytomander' and who had a nasty sneer on his face the whole time. Yoko was glad when he left her alone, though less so that he'd locked her in. She tested the doorway once he was well out of sight, tugging hard on the handles, but they refused to budge. Probably bolt locked. Yoko certainly wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. Turning around, she took another look around her sparse quarters, finding virtually no furniture apart from her bed. The sheets had been made and the covers smoothed out, but it only added to the look of clinical sterility.

This wasn't a room where someone lived. This was just a place where someone slept.

Flopping down on the bed and gazing up at the unfamiliar ceiling, Yoko sighed heavily. Though her body was weary from what felt like a long day and the drugs pumped into her system, her mind was racing, trying to make sense of it all. Again she tried to recall something, anything, that could help make sense of her present predicament. Doctor Psi's explanation had seemed logical and true enough, yet something felt intrinsically wrong with it all. Like that photograph of her supposed husband. Even without her memories it didn't feel like someone she knew, let alone loved. There had been no warmth there, no affection, no real feelings. It was a stranger's face. Would she have truly married someone like that? Yoko didn't think she would, but without her memories she couldn't be one hundred percent sure. She felt the same way about the story with her parents... she didn't even remember having parents. Yet when she tried to recall a childhood, all she got was swaths of gray, as if parts of her memories had been deliberately whitewashed by a very bad painter.

Sighing, she rolled onto her stomach, kicking her feet up in the air, and tried to think of something else. Anything else. The room was dark, but as her eyes began to adjust to the dim light she saw it wasn't wholly pitch black, there was a little illumination coming from the window against the wall.

Hopping off the bed, padding across the icy floor in her bare feet, she threw open the drapes, gazing up at the moon high in the sky above. It was full tonight, and hung low in the sky, a great disk of silver that lit up the night sky almost as bright as day. In older times, the moon was called Luna, and associated with lunacy and lunatics. She wasn't sure how she knew that, but Yoko was positive the information was true. She remembered showing someone how to spell moon. That idiot hadn't even known how to spell his own name...

Grimacing, her head started to pound, and she rubbed her temples again until the pain ceased. Just when she thought she was making progress with her memories they slipped away again. It was maddening.

Yoko gave a full-body shiver, not liking the sound of that.

As she gazed up at the celestial body, Yoko felt a tingle in her arms, and for a moment, imagined she saw something falling from the skies against the backdrop of the moon. A yellow, five point star, drifting down towards her...

... then the image faded, leaving only the pale moonlight to wash over her, and Yoko still with unanswered questions.

Who was she? And why couldn't she remember? Was she truly crazy after all?

* * *

**Authors Notes:  
**I had a lot of inspiration for this story, which makes me deeply ashamed it took so long to actually sit down and write the damned thing. Most prominently of course was the many, many adorable outfits Yoko found herself wearing throughout the course of the series, as well as the Parallel Works and her own special little Music Video S.t.a.r.S. The idea that Adiane is a smoker also comes from the Parallel Works.

I once had a music video on youtube that paid tribute to Yoko with Katy Perry's "Wide Awake" which was naturally the source of the stories title, and held a similar premise of reality and fantasy blending together in impossible ways.


	2. Anger

The next day Yoko awoke with a start as the intercom started up, the soothing, deep rumble of a man's voice prompting her to join the others for breakfast in the dining hall. Finding her door was indeed unlocked (remotely, it seemed) Yoko padded out into the hallway, pausing when she saw some of the others already there.

Like her, most of them were wearing pale blue scrubs, simple shirts and pants, no knickknacks or accessories. There weren't many women in her wing, and it didn't seem there were many women in the hospital at all. Half a dozen in total, at most. The only one Yoko immediately noticed as out of place was a young girl who couldn't have been older than twelve, with wisps of pale hair that seemed like it was made of platinum mist. Catching her eye, Yoko was surprised when she gave a cheerful smile and wave in her direction. She seemed perfectly normal, not the sort of person who should be locked away in an asylum.

_Curiouser and curiouser_, she mused.

They led or followed one another to the dining hall, which had two long tables and a cafeteria line with their... well it might be a bit generous to call it food, but at least it was better than nothing. For her part, Yoko polished off her meal quickly, finding herself utterly famished. Then, with little better to do, just stared at her spoon, marveling as the light reflected off of it. She was less keen to examine her reflection as some of the vainer patients were doing, primping with their spoons and straightening out their hair with their (thankfully clean) forks like they were preparing to pose for a cover magazine.

By contrast, just idly thinking about nothing made Yoko feel so much more relaxed and, well... normal.

* * *

Following breakfast in the dining hall the men and women were again divided up and sent to opposite locker rooms, there to strip down to their skivvies (or less, in many cases) and wash off in the communal showers. Yoko followed more reluctantly than most, even though she was starting to feel grimy and a bit disgusting.

Shrugging off her things and placing them in a laundry basket, Yoko wrapped a towel around her body under her arms, feeling a coolness on her bare legs as she paused a moment to check out her reflection in the mirror...

... and the woman in the mirror stared back at her.

Yoko blinked, tilting her head left... and the reflection tilted her head the opposite way. Not mirroring her, the complete opposite direction. Yoko stumbled backwards, looking all around, but no one else was in the locker room to confirm or deny what she was seeing, they'd all gone ahead to the showers. Yoko could only watch as a reflection of her opened her mouth and spoke. No words came out, her lips moved, but there was no sound. She seemed to be saying something, but Yoko couldn't tell what it was.

"Hey!"

Yoko's head snapped up, turning to find a dark-haired woman standing by the showers.

"Are you coming?" she asked.

By the time Yoko looked back the mirror was a proper reflection of her again, weary, disheveled, and with wild gaze. Shuddering, she shook her head in a vain effort to clear it, but followed the dark-haired woman into the showers. There were no stalls, they were all in a big open room, showering naked for everyone to see. Yoko shifted her towel self-consciously, but realized few were ven bothering to look, most just had their gaze down in depression or listlessness. Yoko did the same, even as the tepid water poured through her strands of red hair and over her back, flowing to the ground and draining away.

What _had_ been that thing she'd seen in the mirror?

Probably nothing, she rationalized. Her overactive imagination was getting the better of her. If she wasn't careful, she'd start to believe them when they told her she was crazy.

* * *

Following the shower and a fresh change of clothes, Yoko followed the congregation to the Common Area.

It was a wide, open room with lots of comfortable looking couches and wooden tables and chairs. Unlike Doctor Psi's office, everything was an austere shade of white or very pale blue, looking sterile and unwelcoming rather than warm and homely. It wasn't helped by the sight of the other patients. Here, men and women mingled freely, but few people were interacting, and those who were kept their voices pitched at a soft whisper, mindful of being overheard. They varied in age, gender, skin color, and all sorts of body types and hair styles. From a pair of hulking brutes with huge afros arm-wrestling over in the corner, to an excitable redhead with a large nose playing a game controller in the middle of the room, kicking his legs and all but squealing with joy whenever he managed to score, or whatever it was he was doing.

Yoko padded into the room quietly, not wishing to draw attention to herself. Alas, it seemed that as soon as some of them realized she was there, every eye eventually turned her way. Not every day brought a newcomer into their midst, it seemed, and Yoko was a lot better looking than some of the usual patients, some of whom looked very wild indeed. It didn't hurt the majority of the inmate population was male, and she was a very, very attractive young female. She could practically feel their eyes roaming over her, and stubbornly resisted the urge to cover herself with her arms or try to hide, though the urge was remarkably strong.

The silence was uncomfortably oppressive, but thankfully seemed to dissipate as the novelty of a newcomer wore off. People went back to their hushed conversations, their little games, or their inane antics. Someone picked up the remote and turned on the television, switching the channels.

"And in other news, the winner of the Miss Tepplin Pageant is... Yoko Littner...!"

Blinking in surprise at the sound of her own name, Yoko looked up. There, on the screen, was a pan up image of herself in a slinky pink dress, with a sash that read '1st Place' in bold black letters.

As abruptly as it came on, the channel changed again, switching to some news report.

"Wait, go back to that!" Yoko exclaimed. This could be a piece of her past.

The man holding the remote sat in a chair beside hers, a big, broad shouldered man with short greenish hair and a seemingly benign expression. Hesitantly, the big man switched the channels backwards until she found the pageant again. But to her surprise, first place wasn't her... it didn't even look anything like her. It was some petite brunette with high cheekbones and tiny lips. She looked almost exactly the opposite of Yoko.

"Is uh... that what you wanted to watch?" the big man asked again.

"I... I'm sorry, no... I thought I saw something. I must have been mistaken. Sorry," she said apologetically.

"It's okay," he said with a gentle smile. Then, changing channels once more, evidently found what he was looking for. "Hot dog, we haven't missed the game!"

Football.

Yoko sighed, leaning back in her seat, sinking into the soft cushions of the couch as she absent-mindedly watched the TV, trying to make sense of it all. Not the game, she followed that easily enough, but everything else. Everything seemed wrong. Her situation, her memories, Yoko's very skin didn't feel quite right stretched across her body. Everything felt off, like a bad dream she need only wake from, but try though she might, she couldn't quite seem to do it. She pinched her arm until it came close to bleeding, but she could not awaken from the terrifying truth of reality.

So caught up was she in her thoughts she didn't notice the approach of another until they spoke.

"Hey sweetie, is this seat taken?"

It was another one of the patients, a tall, thin man with a short crop of cerulean spikes and the most outrageously bright sweater-vests she'd ever seen, a garish shade of reddish-purple with black zig-zagging stripes. His features were somewhat feminine, high cheekbones and long eyelashes, and overall he had a somewhat flamboyant air about him.

Not waiting for a response, the young man hopped onto the cushion beside her, making the couch shake a little as Yoko recoiled fearfully.

"Oh no need to worry about me dear, I'm a friend. I promise I've exactly zero intention of jumping your bones. You're not my type I'm afraid," he said, teasing her. "Name's Leeron, by the way."

"Oh, uh... nice to meet you. I'm Yoko."

He took her hand in his and gave a firm handshake. "You have very strong hands..." he remarked. "So, what's your diagnosis? Because let me tell you, being boy crazy is not something you can cure with pills and therapy."

Yoko giggled a little at that, at first. Then she remembered what Doctor Psi had told her, and decided to be honest. "I'm suffering from uh... I think the doctor called them paranoid delusions," she explained, self-consciously brushing back a few loose strands of her crimson hair. "I'm afraid I don't really remember anything else... he says the latest treatment may cause short-term memory loss. You don't remember me, do you?"

"Mmhmmmm, can't say I do," he said, chewing on that bit of information with an interested expression. "But I haven't been here more than a few weeks, maybe we just kept missing each other."

His tone was neutral, but considering she'd just flat out admitted to being crazy and he wasn't disgust or fear, Yoko took it as a positive sign. And since he'd asked first...

"Uhm, may I ask... why... ?"

He laughed at that, a throaty little chuckle that sounded oddly endearing. "Ohohoho. Oh my parents insisted, poor things. They should know by now they can't cure me. But I'm quite happy with what I am. No cure needed!" he finished with a wave of his wrist.

_He was gay_, Yoko realized. _Homosexual_, she automatically corrected herself, using the proper, politically correct term. His parents must have been very old-fashioned indeed to send him to a place like this over something so utterly trivial. Compared to a double homicide and the other degrees of madness they were surrounded with, Leeron seemed downright charming.

"Sure sounds like it," Yoko agreed. "They should be letting you out in no time."

"Eh, eventually," he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "But until then this is almost like a vacation for me. And so many fun, interesting people to meet."

"Interesting people?" she repeated, genuinely curious. If there were more like Leeron, maybe it wasn't so bad here after all.

"Oh we get all sorts around here honey. Poor little Simon over there?"

She spotted a small boy of perhaps ten or so, sitting in the far corner, playing with some children's toys. A few faded letter blocks, a few fluffy dolls, even a shapes and pegs set. Nothing overly dangerous or destructive. He was happily hammering away at a star-shaped block into a star-shaped peg as she watched.

"Poor little thing one day just... couldn't find it in him to speak. They're still not sure why. He's very sweet though, just never says a word. On the other hand, we have Kittan... oh, be careful to always call him King, he loves that..."

"King?"

Leeron just rolled his eyes and gestured, pointing out the man in question. "Over there."

'King' Kittan, a man with a mop of blonde hair and shaved sides. The sleeves of his shirt had been torn off, likely by himself, for the edges were ragged. The look exposed his muscular arms. He slouched in his seat at the side of the room like he was indeed a royal amongst peasants, watching them all with a sort of bemused expression. Yoko did have to admit, he was sort of good-looking though... in a rough, untamed sort of fashion.

"And then there's the Black Sisters..."

Her guided tilted his head, drawing Yoko's attention to the occupied far corner. A trio of girls sat there in a series of chairs pushed up against the wall. Their features looked vaguely similar enough to guess they were siblings, though their hair colors and styles varied wildly.

The tallest was almost as busty as Yoko herself, and had a mane of blonde curls all the way down to the small of her back. She was playing with a Yo-yo, so methodically it seemed like all the focus in the world to her.

The middle one was a slim brunette with a pair of glasses and a vacant expression. She stared out into open space with her mouth hanging open in an almost catatonic state of being. If Yoko poked her shoulder, she would almost bet the poor girl was tip right over without even realizing it.

And the youngest one was sitting upside down in her seat, kicking her feet at the ceiling and otherwise fidgeting like a six year old on a sugar high. Her hair was long and silky black, and she had the most adorable little fang when she smiled, which was often.

"They're not really siblings," Leeron explained. "But they came in at the same time and they've been inseparable ever since."

"Is everyone here... uhm... committed for...?" she couldn't quite find the words.

Leeron, however, seemed to guess her question. Maybe he got it a lot. "Oh we've got all sorts of reasons. Parents committed me, and I decided not to protest the legality of it... some of them check in voluntarily when they can't handle the stress of the outside world with their... conditions. Like Rossieu over there."

He indicated a shorter boy in the corner, who must have been the same age as Simon. His hair was shorn down almost right to the skin of his head, and his clothes were threadbare. Even moreso than most of the garments worn around the commons. He clutched a book in his hands like it was a lifetime, and seemed to be constantly muttering to himself. At this range, Yoko couldn't quite make it out.

"Poor thing is a bit worried about how sinful the world is and how it doesn't quite fit in with his religious views... had a bit of a breakdown when they found out the priest of his local church was... well... let's just say it got ugly."

Yoko could well believe.

"MISTER KAMINA, WHAT ON EARTH HAPPENED TO YOUR PANTS?!"

Yoko nearly choked at that one, however, and lifted her head up to find the nurse and patient in question. A tall, muscular man with a sturdy chest and a mop of azure locks of hair, standing tall and proud atop one of the chairs, his leg propped up against the back as he struck a suitably heroic pose. His pants were still there, but no longer covered his legs. Instead, he'd somehow wrapped the waistline around his neck and let the long flowing pant legs flow behind his back like a cape. He thankfully wore some underwear underneath it all, but it was still quite the sight he made.

It was the most hilarious thing Yoko had ever seen, and she couldn't help but giggle at the sight of it.

Leeron evidently appreciated the view as well. "Ooolala... this place just got interesting," he said, leaning over the couch and propping his arms up, forming a frame with his thumb and forefingers. "And... smile handsome," the green-haired man said, snapping an imaginary camera.

Yoko put a hand to her mouth, but it was mostly to hide her silly smile. For all his crazy antics, she had to admit that Kamina did have quite the rockin' hard bod. Like a movie star or a guitarist for some big band. She remembered she'd once tried her hand at the guitar herself...

* * *

Blink.

Yoko thrashed her pick down along the guitar strings, coaxing forth a rocking melody that could shatter stone and melt hearts, playing with all of hers as her two bandmates rocked their heads. She spun on her heel and did a little pose, throwing up her arm as a rock ballard washed over the audience, everyone cheering her name.

"_YO-KO! YO-KO! YO-KO!_"

* * *

Blink.

Shaking her head, Yoko found herself back in the institute, her arm raised up above her head in the same victory pose she'd just held. Sheepishly she lowered it. _Boy, that was a bad one_, she thought. She'd really fallen into that delusion hard. And with frightening ease. She rubbed her arms as a chill ran through her, wondering why it was so hard to keep herself focused on the reality directly in front of her.

Kamina was loudly arguing with one of the orderlies, a great big, hairy man whose name she later learned was Thymilph. And then she spotted the orderly from yesterday, the one-eyed woman named Adiane. She looked angry. More than just angry, she looked downright murderous. Yoko stumbled backwards, looking for an exit. Or at least someone who could point her towards one. She needed some space and some air, maybe a trip to the ladies room. Not looking where she was going, Yoko bumped into someone, stumbling backwards as her eyes snapped up and she immediately apologized.

"Oh goodness, I'm so sorry, I didn't look where I was going...!"

Evidently she'd bumped right into the janitor, to judge by the functional gray jumpsuit he sported, as well as the broom handle clutched easily in his hand. He was a tall man, towering almost six full inches over Yoko, and incredibly lean. But not thin, his muscles were lined with a great deal of wiry muscles. His hair was a wild mop of pale yellow, like straw, and it half-obscured one of his eyes, which was the same golden hue that Yoko had. His lips were drawn back in a silent snarl as he glared at her for knocking into him.

"I'm really sorry," she repeated, but he waved it off, his expression softening from a growling lion to that of an adorable kitten in seconds.

"It's okay, miss... I wasn't paying attention either. And no harm done."

That wasn't what she'd been expecting at all. She'd half been expecting him to snarl at her. Not that she wasn't grateful for his kindness. Yoko extended a hand to him politely. "Won't happen again. I'm Yoko... have we met before?" she asked, suddenly aware with her acute memory loss and confusion they might have already been old friends.

He shook his head though, allaying her fears. "I'm new here, just started a few days ago. Name's Viral."

"That's an... odd name..." she said with a quizzical tilt of her head.

The janitor, now known as Viral, shrugged his thin shoulders. "It's what I got," he said, going back to work, pushing his broom along the floor. Yoko sidestepped out of his way.

"I'm still sorry I bumped into you... can I help at all?"

"It's alright, I've got it..." he replied, pushing away dirt and cobwebs from a particularly stubborn corner. He glanced up at Yoko as he paused momentarily in his work. "If you don't mind me asking, miss... what brings you here? You don't seem... uh... well I mean to say is, you seem perfectly normal."

His voice conveyed an underlying tone of endearment, and Yoko couldn't help but smile. He seemed like he had a crush on her, or at the very least found her attractive. After the day she'd had, she was pleased she could still turn a head. As it was, however, her good mood quickly evaporated as she remember what Doctor Psi had told her.

"I'm afraid I'm here for... paranoid schitzophrenia," she said, sounding out the scientific words slowly to ensure she got them right. "I'm not going to be out anytime soon... though they did say I was improving."

He gave a small smile. "Don't worry about it, miss... nothing wrong with coming here. It's healthy, really. I was a patient here myself once upon a time, now look at me. A model citizen again."

"Oh really? If it's not too much to ask, what were you in for?"

"I uh... I had something of a temper..." Viral replied, lifting up a hand. A great, huge hand at the end of a long, hairy arm, more fitting for something like an ape, with impossibly sharp claws...

Yoko blinked, stepping back in surprise, but when she looked again, the janitor's hand was normal. He caught her staring and lowered his hand self-consciously.

"Well uhm... it was nice meeting you, Viral," she said, giving a dip of her head politely. "Uhm, which way is it to the ladies room?"

"Two doors down," he said with a pointed finger. "But you need an orderly escort, they're the only one's with the keys. Guame may be able to help you out. He's the shorter fellow over there." Viral pointed him out, and indeed, Guame was a shorter, bald-headed man at the far end of the commons where the children were playing. She pivoted artfully on her heel and skipped off, graceful as a dancer. Viral watched her go, leaning against his broom with both hands clutching the tool, and then with a weary sigh went back to work. Lots of halls to sweep, lots of dust to clear out.

* * *

By the time Yoko returned, nothing had changed, everyone was lost in their own little world, or so it seemed to her. Those who were interacting, playing games or chatting, were doing so but made no effort to draw in the others. In short, everyone had found their niches already and seemed to enjoy them. But where was her niche? Where did Yoko belong?

A small commotion drew her gaze. The pale-haired little girl from before was being harassed by one of the orderlies. Guame, it seemed, was trying to put some medicine in his hand down her throat, and she was equally determined in her refusal to take it.

"Come on, time to take your meds..." he ordered.

"Don't wanna!" she protested, then pressed her lips tightly together and tilted her chin up childishly.

"Now listen you, this is for your own good!"

"Leave Nia alone!" the girl protested, evidently speaking in the third person since she was the only one being harassed.

"Come on, you stupid little doll, don't make this more difficult than it has to be!"

The little girl, Nia to judge by her own admittance, continued to fight back against the bald orderly, who rewarded her defiance with a rough shove and reared back a hand to strike her. The sight of the girl in danger brought an instinctive response to the tired Yoko, who instantly felt a surge of energy, and reached at her side for something, her fingers closing on nothing when she realized it wasn't there. Even so, unarmed, she couldn't let this stand.

"Leave her alone!"

Yoko rushed forward, trying to interpose herself between the bald orderly and his hapless victim. He tried to shove her aside, and she grabbed his arm and twisted, then threw her other around his neck in a headlock. Two more orderlies, Adiane and Cytomander, came running over immediately.

"Three on one's hardly fair, is it?!"

Yoko's head snapped up as a new challenger entered the fray, having somehow launched himself up almost to the ceiling and was coming down with a great crash, flattening Cytomander and knocking Adiane aside. It was Kamina, still wearing his pants as a cape around his neck, and looking suitably heroic.

"For honor and glory!" he crowed.

The whole room erupted into chaos as patients and orderlies gleefully threw themselves at each other, one side trying to restore order while the other was quite content to bring on the chaos. Two of the Black Sisters grabbed an orderlies legs and held them down while Leeron flung himself onto their back, laughing uproariously. Meanwhile Simon and Kamina tag-teamed the big orderly Thymilph, the small boy crouching behind his legs while his taller counterpart gave the hairy ape a shove. Thymilph went tumbling over Simon's crouched body to crumple to the floor, and Kamina went leaping over his little partner to body slam the orderly.

"Don't worry, I'll protect you..." Yoko said, throwing out an arm and giving a glare of death, daring anyone to come near her or her little charge.

She was so intently focused in fact on dangers coming towards her she missed as one of them made their way to her side, flanking her. But there was no missing the sharp pinprick of fire, however, as her arm was made home to a sharp needle. Withdrawing it almost immediately, Yoko turned to see Adiane had been the one to just stick her. She lashed out to grab the one-eyed orderly but almost instantly her strength started to fade as the tranquilizer took effect.

Similar results were being worked across the rest of the common area as more orderlies and nurses made their way into the room, the former holding down patients who were unruly while the later administered tranquilizers to render them docile. Some, seeing the tide turning against htme, cowered fearfully and surrendered without a fight. Others, like Kamina, went down swinging.

Adiane caught Yoko's arm as she felt her legs grow wobbly, and she looked up to see a tall, stern figure of a man with a bristly mustache and beard. His age was impossible to determine, his skin was deeply tanned and lined with wrinkles yet his body was strong and powerful. The top of his head was completely smooth, seemingly naturally bald. An immaculate maroon business suit and tie was wrapped around his frame, but seemed ready to burst off at any moment should he accidently flex. His gaze was hard as he glared down at her.

"That's enough, Yoko..." was all he said.

Grumbling, despite great desire to keep on fighting... Yoko had no choice but to unclench her fists as her body relaxed and she drifted unconscious, barely managing to find a seat on the couch before she passed out entirely.

* * *

**Authors Notes:  
**Nothing for you this time.


	3. Bargaining

"You've become quite the disruptive element of late, Yoko."

She gazed dully ahead, eyes barely turning to follow Doctor Psi as he spoke to her. Technically, he hadn't asked a question, so she felt no guilt in not replying to him anyway.

"Why is that, I wonder? Do you feel stifled here?" he asked, jotting down some notes on his notepad as he spoke to her.

Yoko didn't quite know how to reply to that. She definitely was starting to feel stifled, with everyone of the orderlies treating her like she was a ticking time bomb and her fellow inmates varying degrees of insane. Not that she disliked them or anything, but it was difficult to follow a conversation when your friend could just as quickly remark on how life was pointless and a waste of time or sing the praises of mashed potatos.

"I guess," she replied non-committedly.

"Well, you do seem to be making a bit of progress," he replied. "Perhaps this new treatment is working for you after all." He picked up his papers and moved to file them away.

She sighed, unable to hold back any longer. "It doesn't feel like progress to me," Yoko said, stopping him. He laid everything out once more, then gestured for her to continue. "I still can't remember my life. I keep getting flashes of... stuff... but none of it makes any sense. I'm not sure if that's my life or my fantasies. How can I tell the difference?"

"Time and patience," Doctor Psi replied. "The fact that you're even trying to tell them apart now is a big step. Before..."

"Isn't there any way to... stop them?" Yoko asked. "They come all the time and I just can't process it all. It's starting to hurt my head. I can't even sleep well..."

"Lack of sleep could explain your irri-" he trailed off, sensing her dark gaze shift up to him. Yoko didn't quite glare, but it was a very unfriendly look she gave anyway. "Your uh... well the way you've chosen to deal with people of late."

"Is there no way to stop it?" she said, well aware she sounded like she was whining, but unable to care. Her head _hurt_, damnit.

"Well, we do have the electroshock option... but I'd really rather not risk it just yet... not with your mind in so fragile a state of being."

"Electroshock? What's that?" she asked, having a rough idea already.

"We stimulate the body with some low level electric pulses," he explained. "It helps to sort of 'restart' the brain. It can lead to a bit of short term memory degradation but overall it helps to... relax the subject and give them a bit of clarity."

"Please? I'll try anything at this point."

He pursed his lips together and gave the matter great thought. "I'll consider it," he finally said. "But for now, I think our time is up... why don't you try and re-connect with your colleagues in the commons?"

Sighing, Yoko stood up and massaged her temples as she slipped out of the office, reluctantly following the orderly back to the common area to interact with the other madmen and crazies. Hopefully they wouldn't be as noisy as they usually were, so she could actually get a little relief from the throbbing pain in her head.

"And Yoko?" Doctor Psi called out after her. "Please don't get into anymore fights."

* * *

Back in her room, Yoko sighed, flopped down on her bedsheets, staring up at the ceiling. Following her fight with the orderlies, she'd been confined to her room except for meals and sessions with Doctor Psi, no longer allowed to interact with the others in the common room. No television, no radio, just long stretches of silence.

If she wasn't crazy before, being stifled like this was going to do it to her pretty quick. Yoko was a social creature, even with her lack of memories she could tell that much about herself. She loved people. Being stuck in here was the worst.

Sighing, she slipped to her feet, hopping up and down on the cool linoleum floor, throwing little jabs in the air as she boxed with own shadow. It beat doing nothing. Yoko grinned, adding in some unnecessary ducks and dodges, pretending she was in a real match. She was surprised by how well and easily the motions came to her. Like she'd somehow always know how to fight.

Yoko punched, jabbed, and even kicked...

... her kick connecting solidly with the punching bag in front of her as she lay into it like a seasoned fighter, the mitts on her fists muffling the blows as she drove through the bag. If it had been a proper opponent, she'd have knocked them clear out of the ring already...

... she froze in mid-punch, blinking. There was no punching bag. Her room was empty, save for the bed.

Grimacing, Yoko lay herself back down on her bed and tried to smother herself with her own pillow to fall asleep.

* * *

The next day, Yoko didn't wait to be offered a seat for her session, she quickly claimed one for herself. She had a lot of questions to get answered.

"Do you mind?" she asked, after stating her intentions.

Perhaps a little taken aback by her sudden change in attitude, Doctor Psi could only shrug and adjust his glasses. "Not at all, go right ahead. What's troubling you?"

"It's just... really, really frustrating not to remember anything about... before all this," Yoko said. "Growing up, my family, my friends. None of it."

"It will come back to you, in time," he promised.

"But what was I before I came here? You said I was married. Did I have a job? Please don't tell me I was a self-taught self-employed domestic specialist."

"A what?" asked Doctor Psi, puzzled by her terminology.

"A housewife," she clarified, grateful to at least be able to still joke about it.

He looked a little surprised by her question. "Ah, yes," he replied, rummaging through his notes. "As I recall you went through quite a few over the years... you couldn't quite seem to figure out where you wanted to settle once you'd left college. But shortly before you were committed to the institution you were a school teacher at an elementary school."

"A teacher..." she repeated, trying to picture herself as such.

In her mind's eye, she got a picture of herself, a button up shirt and a skirt, wearing a pair of glasses on her face and overall looking like the stereotypical image of a school teacher, though she wore the look in such a way that was both motherly and sexy. Surrounded by a half-dozen children barely up to her hip and teaching a wide variety of subjects, from history to mathematics to more esoteric interests like arts and crafts and even a bit of music.

And then there was that time those criminals had attacked her students... _and she'd protected them..._

_"You don't wreck buildings... you don't take children hostage... and you don't threaten people with violence...!"_

Wait a minute... if she was a teacher... why was she still fighting giant mecha robots and mutant animal freaks?

"Class dismissed..." she whispered.

"Yoko?"

Snapping out of her little fantasy, Yoko realized she'd never left the room, only let her mind wander off in a daze. She returned her attention to Doctor Psi, who was regarding her with a concerned expression.

"You said 'class dismissed'... were you recalling some memory of your time as a teacher?"

"... I don't know," she replied truthfully. Even her memories seemed mixed up with this weird fantasy nonsense. Being something as simple as a teacher had become a life or death struggle for her, albeit one she'd been kicking serious butt in.

There was a knock at the door, and moment's later a tall, broad shouldered man with a bald dome head and an impressive three-point mustache and beard stepped into the room. A crisp business suit of mahogany brown seemed strained to keep his impressive figure in check, though somehow it did. Yoko recognized him from the other day, when the fight had ended.

"Doctor, do you have a moment?"

"Ah yes, I was just finishing up," Doctor Psi responded. "Ah, Yoko, this is Lordgenome... he's the head of psychiatry here at Tepplin Psychiatric."

She nodded politely, but kept her distance. Something about him unnerved her. Given he looked big enough and strong enough to break her in two with his bare hands, her fears may have been justified. "Hello," she said timidly.

"Ah, so this is Yoko. I've been hearing quite a bit about you of late."

The redhaired woman ducked her head shyly. "I'm... sorry about that," she said. "I guess I'm just going through a rough patch."

"Everyone goes a little mad from time to time," Lordgenome said, idly rubbing the top of his bald head. "There's nothing wrong with that. We just want to help you. All of you."

"Thank you," she said, taking the time to slip out of the office and down the hallway. No orderlies in sight, only the janitor a littleways down the hall. Unaware he was being watched, Viral whistled a tune, twirling his broom end-over-end like a bo staff before bringing it back down and sweeping down the next hallway.

Yoko watched him go, pausing in her walk as she watched the twirl of his stick...

* * *

Yoko whirled her staff, striking at Kamina as he ducked and dodged every blow. She wasn't sure why she fought him, but it somehow felt right. She was a protector of the castle, he was an intruder and...!

With a careful strike, he knocked the staff clean out of her hands. Yoko stumbled, off-balance, falling...!

And then he was there, catching her in his arms... declaring his love for her with no malice and no hesitation in his voice. Gently, he helped her back up to her feet, and Yoko could only watched as he started off again, deeper into the castle. She cried out to him, warning him of the demon lord who ruled the dungeon within, who was a far more terrible opponent than her.

Kamina simply smiled. He had to go, he said. For his little bro.

And Yoko could only give a weary smile, knowing it was just the way he is... and she wouldn't want him any other way.

* * *

She sighed, leaning back... and bumped into the wall behind her. Blinking, Yoko abruptly remembered where she was. The janitor had long since moved on, leaving her standing alone in the cold, empty hallway.

Whew. That was scary, she thought.

Her hallucinations seemed to be getting more intense than ever. Everything was setting them off. Everything she did, every person she met. And now she was placing known inmates in the roles of her friends and loved ones. Why? Did she have no real connections outside of this crazy place? Could she remember so little of her life that this was all she had left?

Yoko stood up dramatically. It was time for more extreme measures to be taken.

* * *

"Doctor Psi?"

The bearded doctor glanced up, finding Yoko in his doorway. Adiane stood behind her, looking grumpier than usual. "Come in," he politely invited them.

"I think I'd like to try the electroshock therapy after all," Yoko said, after the usual pleasantries were out of the way.

He regarded her with a long look. "Well, it is supposed to be physically relaxing... and it could jostle loose some more memories from your mind. But it can just as easily scramble up those few you have left," he replied. "I'm not entirely sure..."

"Please," she pleaded, reaching out with both hands for his. "I don't remember anything, and I have to know what happened. Please."

He pondered her again, rubbing his ivory beard as he seemed to consider his options. As a doctor of psychological health, he obviously had some sort of code against causing more harm than fixing, something Yoko could appreciate. But right now, she was desperate for any sort of relief from the agony that was her mindscape. Finally, he made his decision.

"Alright... we'll give it a try. But you have to promise me you'll write down any adverse effects in a journal. We'll provide you a notebook and a pen. And the moment you start to feel any sort of relapse, I'd like you to come directly to me. Understood?"

"Yes... thank you."

Though not anxious to feel lightning run through her veins, Yoko was sick and tired of nothing making sense. If a little pain gave her a greater gain, than it was a risk she intended to see through.

* * *

Of course, that was all well and good for her to want a thing, and for Doctor Psi to agree, but the paperwork and red tape to clear such a procedure took a while. Yoko had to suffer quietly through another two days before it was finally time for her appointed therapy.

She spent the time trying to learn more about her other patients, hoping to understand their neurosis and origins and see if they could relate in some way to hers. It didn't help a great deal. Apart from Leeron, who seemed so refreshingly normal, most of them barely had enough grasp of reality to give her the correct time of day. Yoko did find some time, however, to bond with Nia and Simon. Though both were terminally shy and the latter mute on top of that, she found she didn't need words if she just sat down with them and played with some of their toys. Picking up a small red armored figure and making him woosh through the air with the accompanying sound effect could bring a smile to both their faces with ease. And, it seemed, to Yoko's as well.

Maybe I was a teacher, she thought. I do seem to be good with kids.

Or maybe Simon and Nia were just the kindest little cherubs she'd ever known.

* * *

Finally, the day of her electroshock therapy came, and with it, a sense of indecision and fear as Yoko wondered just what she'd gotten herself into.

* * *

Yoko was escorted into an operating room in one of the sub-basements, and coaxed to lie down on a table.

"I won't lie, I'm getting a little nervous," Yoko confessed, even as the nurses applied some gel to her temples and attached the electrodes in place. They didn't hurt, per se, but they felt weird. Her whole body was tense though in expectation of what was to come.

"Now... just relax," Doctor Psi instructed. "Look ahead... breath out slowly..."

She did so, and he threw the switch when she was relaxed. Electricity surged through Yoko, and were it not for the rubber between her lips, she would have bit her tongue as she held back a scream...

* * *

She was floating... somewhere. Some indistinct white void, wearing a skintight latex suit, wearing a visor that covered her face. Wires linked to her body from every which way, but she couldn't tell up from down, or see much of anything.

"She's waking up..." a voice said, coming from all around her.

"Raise the voltage..." came a second voice.

Another shock course through her system...

* * *

Finally the electricity faded to a dull tingle, and then nothing at all. Yoko slumped against the chair, barely noticing as Doctor Psi and his assistants worked to remove the electrodes from her temples. She idly spit out the rubber bit into the gloved hands of a nurse, her vision growing blurry as she gazed up at the light, trying to bring everything into sharp focus.

For just a brief moment, the faces peering down at her... weren't human.

But another blink... and it was only the concerned, bearded, smiling look of Doctor Psi. Opposite him, the dull lack of interest from Adiane, who probably only cared that Yoko hadn't died on her watch. Gently sitting her up, the former patted Yoko's shoulder.

"How do you feel?" he inquired gently.

"Weird," she responded, lifting her limbs and testing them, flexing her toes and examining her fingers one at a time. "Like... tingly all over."

"That's normal," he assured her. "You may feel a bit fatigued for a while as well... but after a meal and a good nights sleep, I'm sure you'll be right as rain!"

His enthusiasm didn't phase her much, as Yoko numbly smoothed out her shirt and stepped back into the cool hallway. Everything seemed to be swaying slightly, shifting under her feet... like they were on a sailboat or other nautical vessel, far out at sea. It must have been all in her head though. It had to have been.

Right?

* * *

Thankfully due to the hour of the day, Yoko was almost completely alone in the dining hall when she received her late supper, a bowl of broth and some leftover salad from the regular evening meal. Even so, she devoured it all in almost record time, welcoming the chance to replenish her energy and fill her tummy.

She was likewise alone when she showered for the night, washing off a layer of sweat and cooling down immeasurably. The water felt good against her skin, helping her to relax. Everything seemed so much clearer now. Not just her head, but all of her senses. Yoko touched the linoleum tiles along the walls of the shower room, feeling them beneath her fingertips. Each was in sharp focus before her golden eyes, seemingly magnified to greater detail than ever. It was like she'd spent the last few days with cotton wrapped around her head, and it had suddenly been peeled back to reveal the world as it truly was.

Turning off the hot water, Yoko stepped up to the sink, toweling her body dry and wrapping the white fabric around her frame as she peered into the mirror.

Unlike before, she saw only herself.

Yoko began to relax, breathing out a relieved sigh. And she had to admit she was just as gorgeous as ever. She turned on her heel and thrust out her curvy hip, artfully tossing her ragged mane of red over one shoulder and coyishly winking at the mirror...

* * *

Cameras flashed as Yoko slipped off her sunglasses, standing there in an alluring pose with a skintight black number and a bit of dark fur and feathers lining her shoulders. Shutter lenses clicked as pictures were taken of her from every angle, shifting her pose subtly at the direction of photographers, who made sure to capture every inch of her elegant beauty.

A subtle tilt of the chin, a pursing of the lips, a batting of the eyelashes, and pictures of the beautiful model Yoko went spinning off into the darkness, to fit into every fashion magazine, tabloid or newspaper ad they could. She was everywhere, loved by everyone...

... yet still so terribly alone.

Sighing, Yoko tried not to think of such as she made another pose and there was a flash of light as her image was forever captured on a polaroid...

* * *

... the page flipped, showing another angle of the same model, as Yoko sighed deeply, resting her cheek on her palm, elbow propping her head up. This shift of the night was always the worst. There were bags under her eyes from many sleepless nights, mankind (and womankind, she added) were not meant to function during the long hours of the night. Yet she needed the money and she was the only one the manager trusted to mind the store by herself.

A shadow fell over the magazine, causing Yoko to pause as her bored mind sluggishly started up again. A shadow meant a person, which meant a customer.

"Must be tough... working the night shift... holding down the place when nobody's here..." came a voice, and Yoko peered up at the stranger. His face was framed in shadow, one of the lights overhead had gone out, but she could still tell he was very handsome to behold.

"Yeah..." she agreed, unable to take her eyes off of him.

"When do you get off shift?" he asked, even as the registered dinged by her side. The tiny sign popped up reading a simple message:

"No Sale"

* * *

Blink.

Yoko stumbled backwards, almost falling flat on her butt as she finally came to her senses. That was the first time she'd ever fallen into a delusion _within_ another delusion. The shock therapy hadn't helped at all. If anything she was getting worse. She had to get out of here, and soon. This place was driving her crazier than the hallucinations were.

She had to get out. Before she really went insane.

* * *

Yoko tried to remain calm during the next day when she entered into the good doctors office for her session, sitting down in the chair, rubbing her arm self consciously. She'd dutifully come up with notes, but purposefully toned down her exact troubles to make it seem like the procedure was overall working.

"... just not perfectly, yet," she finished.

"Hmmm, well, I'm very glad to hear it. But I can't help but notice how tense you are today? Is everything alright?"

Doctor Psi seemed uncanny in his ability to tell when she was lying, and Yoko grimaced. "Just... worried things aren't working out so well for me," she said, hoping the half-truth would be easier to slip past his lie radar.

"Maybe some music will help you relax..." he said, turning on an old boombox he had sitting on the shelf behind his desk. Some music was playing from the speakers, something that sound ominously looking hooting.

"Whooooooooo are you? Who-who? Who-who? Oh I really wanna kno-"

Her hand reached out and slapped the pause button, silencing the melody instantly. Doctor Psi glanced at her in surprise, but Yoko sheepishly ducked her head, drawing her hand back. "I'm sorry, maybe... maybe music's not such a good idea after all."

"Alright then... well, anyway, where were we...?" asked the good doctor, rifling through her file. A stray ray of sunlight drifted across his desk as the clouds outside shifted. Frowning, he stood up to go and close the blinds, giving the room a little less glare while keeping its warm atmosphere.

There. A paperclip, holding the loose papers together. Golden eyes darted up as Yoko made sure his attention was elsewhere, then deftly snatched it from his desk and slipped it out of sight.

"Now then, as I was saying," Doctor Psi continued, blissfully unaware of the theft. Yoko managed a small smile and nodded her head, pretending to listen to his psycho-babble. In reality, her mind was far away, already coming up with an escape plan.

She was getting out. Tonight.

* * *

Adiane escorted Yoko back to her room, muttering something about needing a nicotine fix as the red-haired woman was ushered inside. The door closed and locked ominously behind her as Adiane made her last rounds before clocking out. No other orderlies were in sight as Yoko peered through the single thin window and its long, empty hallway. The lights went out one by one as the asylum began to close down for the evening.

Yoko waited until they were well clear and showing no signs of coming back, then reached down the front of her shirt and into her cleavage. A moment of fishing around and she produced a paperclip she'd hidden there earlier, having pilfered it from Doctor Psi's office. Deftly stretching the thin length of metal out, she slid it into the key slot of the door. After a few minutes of twisting and prying, she was rewarded with a soft click as the door swung open.

"YES!" she whispered, covering her mouth immediately afterwards. She had to be quiet, or they'd catch her before she got too far.

Easing the door open, Yoko padded into the hallway, wincing at just how cold the floor was at night. Most of the lights were off, evidently to save power, because the one lone orderly at the end of the hallway was keeping watch by flashlight. Looks like it was Cytomander tonight. Or at least this shift. Yoko thanked her lucky stars, she was sure she would have a worse time eluding the likes of Adiane.

Waiting until the pale-haired orderly was out of sight and silently counting to ten, Yoko slipped down the hallway, easing around the corner. She was tempted to crawl, but if someone came her way it would make her even harder to escape from them in time.

Thank goodness the place just didn't have any... she thought, before pausing. The air in front of her was shimmering with reddish, criss-crossing lights. A laser grid. She reached out a hand, about to stupidly touch it and set off an alarm, when she saw her fingers were gloved in some sort of black, spandex material. Startled, Yoko peered down at her body, finding herself almost neck to toe in a similar slinky material, which fit tight against her ample curves. A zipper was left partially undone on her chest, giving a gorgeous view of her full cleavage and ruining any advantage the suit might've given for stealth.

_Another hallucination..._

Hyperventilating, Yoko paused, squeezing her fingers into tight fists and closing her eyes tightly, and willed the fantasy to go away.

_Just go away, please..._ she thought. _Go away...!_

When next she looked down at herself, she was in her normal hospital garments. The hallucination had vanished. There was no spy outfit, no laser grid, no more fantasy. Just cold, hard, reality. Which she intended to seize in her own two hands.

Yoko slipped into the stairwell and down to the first floor, making her way to the front exit. She might've used the fire escape, but she couldn't chance it was alarmed. Thankfully, this area seemed even more deserted than the first. There was nothing before her but a clear stretch of marble floor all the way to the double doors.

Yoko was almost out. She was almost home free!

* * *

**Authors Notes:  
**Yes, yes, I know electroshock does not work like that in real life. It's a fanfic, roll with it.


	4. Despair

Yoko had even made it down to the bottom of the steps before it all came to a sudden, unpleasant end.

Her hand literally inches away from the door, Yoko's shoulders were caught by a pair of heavy arms and she was yanked backwards, thrown away from the exit and into the burly arms of Thymilph. The bigger orderly tightened his grip on her despite her attempts to wriggle away, and Cytomander quickly backed her up, grabbing her other arm and keeping her from slipping free. Yoko put quite up a struggle, but they were both bigger and stronger than she was, and ultimately had the drop on her. She was beaten and she knew it.

Lordgenome took that moment to step into the light, standing in the hallway in his expensive suit, tapping his stylish cane against the floor as he gazed down at Yoko with decidedly disappointed expression. She shrunk under his gaze, like a child who'd been caught raiding the cookie jar.

"I uh... I can explain..." Yoko said, wracking her brain for some sort of excuse.

But the head of medicine was evidently having none of it. He didn't even listen to her. "Put her in solitary... I'm sorry, Yoko... you've given me no choice," Lordgenome said sadly.

By his side, Doctor Psi had a similar expression of remorse, but Yoko felt her skin crawl as the light reflected off of his glasses ominously, making his seemingly concerned features seem to twist with malice. She didn't know why, but she was more afraid now than ever. So much so that Yoko almost welcomed the feel of a needle plunging into her arm, and the blissful darkness that accompanied it. With the waking world becoming such a nightmare, she welcomed the chance to escape it, slumping unconscious in her captors arms.

* * *

Yoko awoke feeling stiff, her arms sore and her long legs cold. But that paled compared to the throbbing in her head. Automatically reaching up to massage her neck, she found her arms were restrained. Looking down, she was she'd been strapped into a straight jacket which forced her arms to remain crossed below her breasts across her stomach. She tried to sit up, but the awkward get up prevented her. Eventually she had to roll up onto her tummy and back onto her knees, making extensive use of just how flexible her body was to climb to her feet without outside assistance.

Not that it helped much.

They'd stashed Yoko away in solitary confinement, which in this case seemed to mean a padded room. The walls were covered with soft white squares to prevent her from hurting herself, likewise the door, the floor, everything looked the same. Overhead were some bright fluourescent lights, keeping the room illuminated. She couldn't tell what time it was, nor did she have any idea what day. She was positive she'd been out for at least a few hours though.

Making her way to the door and its tiny window, she peered out, but it was only a long, empty corridor to be found there. No windows on the other side either. No sign of anyone at all.

"Hey! Hey let me out!" she called out. "Come on! Somebody answer this door!"

When her cries went unanswered, she tried to slam her shoulder against the door. Gently at first, like knocking, then more and more forcefully. When that didn't work she kicked it, but underestimated how badly her balance was thrown off and ended up falling flat on her butt. The padded floor cushioned her impact a little, but because of the straight jacket's tightness is still jostled her limbs and head. She lay there a moment, whining in agony, unable to even massage her temples as she felt a crown of pain settle on her head and tighten unmercifully.

"Please... let me out..." she whined.

* * *

She must have blacked out. All around her was shadows and darkness. Yoko drifted in a void between consciousness and dreams, floating through the ether.

Then, all of a sudden, lights came on. The ceiling was lit up by a thousand tiny bulbs as all around more colorful lights came to light. Accompanying them was a beautiful sound: the melody of music, the jingle of coins, the crank of machines and the spinning of wheels.

In other words: fun.

Yoko smiled as she beheld the scene before her, a beautiful casino filled with all manner of fun games of chances, to say nothing of stuffed full of people. People in flashy suits and shimmering dresses, throwing away their hard earned wages for a chance to make it big. Most if not all laughing uproariously at their short lived successes.

Her outfit was positively scandalous, a simple one piece that covered her midriff and barely left her decent, exposing her rounded shoulders and ample cleavage. Her legs were likewise on display, though clad in fishnet stockings all the way down to the delicate high heels wrapped around her feet. The footwear forced her to walk with arched feet, making her hips sway and her bosom jiggle, which was likely the point. Not a single eye failed to follow her as she crossed the casino floor with drinks perched precariously on a tray in her right hand. A pair of rabbit ears were perched atop of her head, and seemed to respond to her thoughts as they weaved back and forth, following the laugh and chatter of the patrons.

"Hey beautiful! How about a round of drinks for everyone at the table," a fine gentleman in a nice suit called out to her.

"Sure thing!" Yoko replied, flouncing over to him with her tray in hand. "What can I get ya?"

"Nothing special for me," he replied, smoothly plucking a glass of champagne off her tray. "And maybe a little luck?" he added, offering her the dice with a knowing wink.

Yoko giggled, flirting right back with the handsome gambler, watching as the dice went rolling again after she'd given them a good blow for luck.

Then she realized something.

"... this isn't real, is it?"

"What?" he asked, almost like he hadn't heard her.

Yoko swept a hand through her hair, tugging the bunny ears loose from it and letting them fall to the ground. "This isn't real," she repeated sadly. It was a shame... she'd almost been having fun. The dice had landed on a pair of one's. Snake eyes. Eyes that seared into Yoko's soul as she recoiled fearfully, then expanded in a circle of darkness that swallowed her up entirely...

* * *

She stood alone in a hall of mirrors.

Then, a light lit up, so brilliant and intense she was forced to cover her eyes. It faded quickly, and her vision returned. When it did, she saw she was not alone anymore.

The mirrors, once only reflecting Yoko and her correct attire, now showed wildly different images. Like the reflective surfaces had been replaced by a thousand television screens of exactly the same dimensions. Every one of them showed Yoko, it was true, but they showed her in a wildly different place in an exotic outfit that did not match her current garments at all. Puzzled, Yoko leaned in closer to the nearest one for a better look, struggling to make sense of it all.

In this mirror, she floated through space encased in an astronaut's suit, which still conformed to her lovely figure. A pioneer of space, a woman of the stars.

The next mirror showed her crouched on a rooftop clad in fishnets and dark garb, her lower face hidden behind a mask, her red hair drawn back in a ponytail. Kunai and shuriken found their way into her palms as she readied herself for her next victim.

Reflecting next was Yoko walking down the aisle of a busy airplane, dressed in an attendant's clothing, passing out peanuts and helping ensure passengers were comfortable as they cruised through the friendly skies.

Another mirror showed the red-haired woman encased in a luxurious violet kimono that must have cost a small fortune, demurely pouring tea at a small ceremony in a room of mats. Her face was painted white and her eyes touched up by eye shadow, but the rosy blush on her cheeks was all real as she giggled at some unheard joke.

The next one had her on a beach in some sort of banana yellow swimsuit, trying to smash a watermelon... and failing quite miserably. She smacked the sand repeatedly, but evidently couldn't quite manage to crush the fruit. Not surprising, considering it was moving to avoid her strikes. Plus, even if it was how you play the game, she was blind-folded, taking away her most critical strength.

Behind the shimmering surface of glass lay a long sterile hallway, and strolling it down it was a white-clad nurse. Yoko snapped on some gloves and removed her stethoscope as she gave a playful wink to her patient, ready for a thorough examination.

Another Yoko image with her hair done up in a tight bun, wearing a black outfit and apron trimmed in white lace, and a skirt so short it would be positively scandalous, even accounting for all the ruffled white fluff underneath. It was like she was begging someone to check her out as she bent over to dust some bookshelves.

Then there was that mirror showing Yoko in some wild west getup, six shooter in hand, stetson atop of her head, and barely more than a bra with red white and blue stars and stripes on it.

Living room was the setting of the next image, Yoko skipped around in an orange blouse and some shorts, seemingly loafing around the room, reading a magazine, listening to some upbeat song on her headsets. Just as quickly she hopped into action, doing stretches, throwing punches at a punching bag, hop skipping over a jump rope and then savoring a red delicious apple.

Another beach, this time a bit more risqué, Yoko reclined casually on the warm sands in nothing but her birthday suit, evidently content to let admirers, if any, have the full package of her loveliness.

Mirror number whatever showed a Yoko in a cheerleaders outfit, waving her pom-poms and doing acrobatics through the air as the cheerleaders beside her fell into formation and the other classmates cheered and hollered from the stands.

The mirror on the opposite side showed Yoko skipping along in a blue and white dress, her red hair done in a pair of pigtails, strolling down a street of what looked like paved gold with the oddest of companions by her side. Was that Kamina, Rossieu and Simon? And what were they wearing?

And the next mirror showed her tumbling down a rabbit hole in another blue and white dress, plunging into the chaos and madness without anything to grab onto and anchor herself.

Dozens more, the hundred, then thousands. No two reflections were the same clothes, but all shared her look of fear and confusion as she turned this way and that. As well as shared her features. All had the same gorgeous mane of red hair and the same brilliant golden eyes. They all wore her face, and they all seemed equally real, but by definition they simply couldn't be. She couldn't be all these girls. Who was she? Who was Yoko?!

An ominous sound filled her ears as the mirrors began to crack, fracturing in front of Yoko's eyes. She glanced up in alarm as the cracks continued to spread, growing larger and louder by the second. It seemed as if everything was about to just break. Then, the mirrors shattered. The whole world seemed to crack like glass as Yoko went tumbling down into the darkness.

* * *

When the darkness receeded, Yoko was right back where she started. Trussed up tighter than a turkey in an uncomfortable padded room, laying on her side. Her whole body ached, evidently she hadn't been sleeping well. If you could even call falling into another delusion sleeping. These weren't dreams anymore. They were nightmares.

"I can't... let me out..." she whined, hoping someone would hear her, knowing full well they wouldn't.

Why was this so difficult? she kept wondering. Ordinary people knew who they were. They could remember their past linearly, sequence events. Recall with clarity who they were and what they were. Most people could rattle off their social security number and birth date in seconds of being asked such.

Yet Yoko couldn't remember any of it. Her job as a teacher, her parents, this supposed husband of hers... it was all just one giant blank. Like a canvas before an artist had taken to painting on it. Yoko was a blank slate, waiting to be told who she was without any idea who she had been...

* * *

As the school bells tolled in the distance and the students went merrily skipping down the path back to their homes, the Principle climbed to her feet and followed them down the hallways to the front doors of the school. She always bid them farewell on this day, the last day of school.

An elderly woman of extraordinary vitality, Principle Yomiko still managed to stand tall and straight, her shoulders drooping only a little with age, but thankfully avoiding a need for walkers or a wheelchair. Wrinkles lined her face from many heartfelt smiles, if anything only adding to her beauty as they marked the years gone by. Hair had remained red, but its vibrancy had faded with age, making it seem duller and faded, though thankfully she'd avoided getting gray streaks like Rossieu or Dayakka.

"Good-bye now!"

"Good-bye Miss Yomiko!"

"See you tomorrow!"

"Good-bye!"

She just stood there and waved softly, watching the children fade in the distance. Or maybe it was just her eyes failing on her. The passage of time had left her vision a little foggy at times, which is why she had the bi-focals resting against her chest, hung around her neck. But she didn't need those to find her way back into the teachers lounge, using the small kitchen there to brew up a little tea. She was the only one at the school now, all the students and teachers had gone, even the kindly janitor would be checking out. The long summer ahead meant they'd be gone for quite a while before anyone came back.

Leaving only Principal Yomiko behind, as she settled into her favorite comfy chair and sipped at her tea. Slightly bitter, her skill with cooking had not improved with age, but it was serviceable. She sighed as the warmth of the sun's rays peeked in through the nearby window and washed over her body, warming her aging bones. _Oh that felt good_, she thought, soaking up the warmth. Too often she felt a chill in the classrooms when some student left the doors or windows open. Even her own office was starting to feel cooler than she liked. Everyone on the staff kept telling her it was time to retire, to move out and spend her golden years relaxing, but she enjoyed this job too much to quit now. It was worth the smiling faces of the children. For them, she would do anything.

For them, she'd give everything she had.

She picked up her teacup again for another sip, forgetting it had long since run dry. Alas, the cup did not reach her lips. It hung limp for a moment before all the strength slipped out of her tired old body and her head rolled back against the chair.

The fine porcelain cup fell from her lap and rolled to the ground as her hands hung limp over the chairs armrests.

Yoko did not wake again.

* * *

Eyes snapped open with frightening intensity as Yoko sat up, tugging at her restraints, her heart pounding.

Could that be the truth of it? Was she? Could she be...?

No, no that was impossible, that was sick. She could feel her heart racing in her chest. She could feel the air entering and exiting her lungs. Her pulse was racing, she was alive. She couldn't be dead.

Yet that dream had felt so real. Could it be possible?

Had she died some... somehow back in the real world? Was this some sort of limbo her spirit had stumbled into on its way to the afterlife? Was this some sort of test Yoko had to perform at before she could move on to Heaven?

Another terrible thought, worse than the first gripped her heart tightly in its icy hand. If she wasn't going to Heaven after all... maybe she was in...

She struggled and squirmed, tugging hard against her straightjacket, trying to rip it off with sheer strength. She might as well have been struggling to part the seas with her bare hands. It would not come off, no matter how much she pulled and kicked and tugged.

"HELP!" she screamed, crying out again and again until her throat was hoarse. "SOMEONE HELP ME!"

No, that couldn't be it... it couldn't be. She was alive! Yoko had to be alive!

* * *

"That dress... it looks wonderful on you," her soon-to-be husband said. He looked so handsome, dressed to the nines in a white tux that was fitted to his strong, muscular frame.

Yoko was, of course, a vision of loveliness in her tight white wedding dress, which showed off all of her best features. More than a few in the audience were upset at the idea of losing such a beautiful single lady, while the groom was undoubtedly praising the Gods for his good fortune in being the one to soon have the legal right to love her forever.

"Are you feeling alright?" he asked, pressing the back of his hand to her forehead, through the veil.

"I uh... I don't..."

"You're not getting cold feet, are you?" he said gently.

His hands brushed against her shoulders, steadying her, and just like that Yoko felt warm, relaxed, and soothed. Like a calming water had just washed away a great fire threatening to consume her. Everything was right now, everything was as it should be.

"No I'm fine..." she replied breathlessly.

"You sure? You are going to have to marry me, after all," he said half-jokingly.

She gazed up at him, scarcely believing he was real. He was so perfect. Gallant, handsome, chivalrous, he was everything a young woman could ask for in a future husband. And he was funny, god he was funny, he made her laugh without trying, he brought a smile to her lips as easily as a bird took to the air. Yoko couldn't quite recall who she'd been or what she'd done, her career, her family, all of it was still a bit of a blur. But this, this more than anything, she wanted. Tears pooled in the corners of her golden eyes as she nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes... yes please..." she said, tightening her hands around her bouquet.

They said their vows, his ring graced her slender finger, and he took her in his arms. He coiled them around her slender waist with great yet gentle strength as she melted into his embrace. This was everything she'd ever wanted, ever. Their lips were inches apart...

"I just need you to do one thing for me..."

"What's that...?" she breathed, willing to do anything for him. _Kiss me, please_, she begged silently.

"I need you to wake up..."

Yoko jerked back as if shocked, staring at him with eyes wide. Her smile seemed frozen on her face. "W-what?" she asked, trembling in his arms.

"I need you to wake up..." he repeated, his form and figure growing more insubstantial by the second. His features blurred, growing more indistinct, the colors fading as shadows wrapped around him, making it hard to make out individual features. Yoko clung to him as tightly as she could, but it was like trying to hold sand in your hand... the tighter you squeezed, the more quickly it slipped away.

"No... no please... don't do this to me... don't leave me again... I don't want to wake up! THIS IS REAL!"

* * *

Gasp.

The vision was gone, but Yoko could still feel it, and she shivered, feeling impossibly cold. Her breath came in quick gasps before she could bring it back under control.

"Maybe I really _am_ crazy," she whispered.

In her mind's eye, she could feel them playing out again and again, each one more warped and twisted than the last. Always Yoko was in control, having strength, confidence, allies, weapons, anything she needed to fight her enemy. Be they beastmen, aliens, jock jerks, rowdy schoolchildren, or whatever the particular fantasy called for. She always won. She was never alone. She was loved...

But this was no fantasy, no world of heroes and villains, of monsters and magic. She wasn't the heroine of an epic tale, not even the damsel in distress. No knight in shining armor was coming for her. She was equally unlike the star of a shonen anime, able to kick down doors with her bare hands and produce megaton punches to send her admirers flying into the air. None of these things were true.

This was reality. Cold, harsh, painful reality.

And unless she wanted to spend the rest of her life trapped in a madhouse... she had to find a way to stop her delusions from overtaking her mind. She had to find a way back to sanity. A task easier said than done.

Yoko slumped against the corner, bare legs splayed as she lowered her head in defeat, eyes closing. She didn't cry, but her heart ached all the same as despair wrapped itself around her tighter than any straightjacket ever could.

* * *

She almost didn't bother to look up when the door finally opened, her dull gaze simply rising as Doctor Psi stepped into the room, holding a clipboard.

"Hello Yoko," he said gently, kneeling down by her side. "Do you remember me?"

She nodded dully.

"Good, good, that much at least hasn't been effected... but I'm afraid to say the results of your other tests are not looking very positive."

Yoko listened as the good doctor rattled off a serious of medical terms, some of which she understood, the rest of which was little more than white noise. It was almost difficult to hear him speak, as if some of his voice was being distorted by static. Maybe it was some sort of auditory hallucination this time. Thankfully, after a moment or two it seemed to pass and she could finally hear him properly again.

"However, there's good news!" he said cheerfully. As Yoko's dull eyes met his again, he explained. "We've discovered a modern surgery technique that should clear everything up. You'll be good as new within days, if not hours. It's a bit radical and there is a small chance of... side effects. Minor side effects. Hopefully. But... well... after the troubles with the fight and your attempted escape... Lordgenome believed it was in everyone's best interests if you underwent the procedure. I need your signature, Yoko."

He offered her a pen, which Yoko gave him a weary look in return, obviously being unable to use her hands. Instead, she had to grip it in her teeth, and make a passable scribble that could have been her signature. Like it even mattered. They were obviously going to press forward with this whether she wanted to do it or not.

"You'll be out of here soon," Psi promised as he stood back up, tapping his fingers against the clipboard. "And don't worry, things will improve. You just need to hold on a little longer, alright?"

He slipped out of the room as Yoko slumped onto her side, unable to even hold herself upright anymore. His promises of everything being fixed seemed like chasing wild geese. There was no point to it.

There was no point to anything.

* * *

**Authors Notes:  
**Johnrokk of Deviantart was kind enough to draw some fan art of Yoko's predicament. She looks oh-so-lovely in a straight-jacket, all nice and helpless, doesn't she?

Obviously, picked up a lot of the 'hallway of mirrors' fantasies from Yoko's S.T.A.R.S. video, which seemed in a lot of ways like fetish fuel incarnate. Which is naturally why I love it so much.

Naturally, I had to keep the identity of Yoko's "future husband" in the shadows because she's shipped (somewhat faithfully) with just about every male character in the show. Except Leeron. If you like, you can picture yourself in the role, since in the end it doesn't really matter.


	5. Acceptance

She wasn't sure how long she'd been in that hell hole, time had no meaning to her, drifting in and out of reality and with no way to gauge the time of day. It could have been only a few hours, it could have been a week. She knew she'd slept at least once, or it had it been several times? She wasn't sure. But eventually, the short, bald-headed Guame opened the door and helped her to her feet, escorting her out of solitary.

One tasteless meal, a tepid shower, and a semi-fresh change of clothes later, and Yoko was walking back into the common area like nothing was out of the ordinary. But everything was different. The whole room seemed darker, like half the lights or more had been snuffed out. And it felt colder too. Most of her fellow inmates were even quieter than the first time she'd been here, whispering to themselves or else doing little more than staring out into space, lost in their own delusions. Kamina and Kittan were both gone, and so was Leeron. All of her friends and allies were vanishing one by one, leaving her all alone. Most of the other patients were keeping well clear of her.

Yoko almost didn't notice when someone tugged at her sleeve. A second, firmer tug made her turn her head ever so slightly, though she did not raise her eyes. She needn't have bothered, for it was only Nia, the adorable little girl she'd protected, staring up at her. Yoko didn't know what to say, and she didn't hasten to speak either, just stared up at her with those big, beautiful, perfectly innocent eyes of hers. In her reflective gaze, Yoko saw herself: tired, worn, weary and cynical.

Her eyes were empty.

Empty of life, empty of purpose.

Nia said not a word, just placed something in Yoko's hand, folding her delicate fingers around it.

Frowning, she tried to push it back, but Nia was already moving away, scurrying back to her toys and Simon. The two played in their happy, innocent fantasies, leaving Yoko to wallow in her delusions. The room seemed noticeably colder with his absence. And the room emptier. She hadn't even noticed how little Nia had brought a sort of warmth and light with her very presence until she'd been just as quickly pulled away from her. Frowning, Yoko drifted dreary eyes down to her hand and opened her fingers, gazing at the object held in her palm. A wooden drill no bigger than an inch or so, threaded through a thin string. Spiraling lines had been painstakingly carved into the drill.

It looked so familiar... but it wasn't. It was just a child's toy.

Yoko closed her hand around the object and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to hold back the hot tears threatening to escape them. Nothing made sense, nothing seemed real here. Every time she thought she had made a little progress into escaping her delusions they only returned worse than ever before. Why did this keep happening to her?

Who was she? And what was real?

* * *

Yoko was returned to her room, but she did not sleep a wink that night. Her mind was too restless, too active, running in circles like a pig-mole in a hamsters wheel. No, like a hundred and eight pig-moles running in an inter-locking series of hamster wheels that circled and spiraled onwards into infinity. Every blink of her eyes brought some new thought to mind, a new tangent she could chase and chase and wander off into some new delusions every bit as real to her as the world around her, and every bit as impossible to ignore.

In the end, she almost welcomed the pale light drifting through the window, the promise of a new day. And the promise of release. Today was her scheduled surgery. Doctor Psi had promised everything would finally make sense again. She'd be cured, and happy, and able to make her own life for herself again. That one thought burned in her mind like a guiding light, chasing away the shadows of other thoughts.

But if you looked too long into the light... you were liable to go just as blind as remaining forever in darkness.

* * *

Finally, the long night came to an end. Yoko had been up with the dawn, nervously pacing back and forth in her room when finally there came the jostle of the knob and a click as someone unlocked it. It was Adiane again, and Yoko shivered a little at the sight of her fearsome face.

"Let's get going, Littner..."

Yoko made no protest as she padded along the cold linoleum floor, scarcely feeling the chill. She shuffled along like a condemned woman on her way to her execution.

They passed through the commons, which was quiet as a graveyard. No one spoke, and fewer still dared to raise their heads and look her way. There was one small exception though. As she walked past, Simon lifted his head, and looked her right in the eye. Yoko's steps slowed, then came to a stop as she tilted her head, regarding the small child who seemed so innocent and yet equally so profoundly wise at the same time. She saw he was playing with some alphabet blocks, stacking them up atop of one another. Forming some sort of pattern.

He'd spelled out Doctor Psi's full name.

Then, once he was sure she'd seen it, he struck the block tower with his tiny fist, sending the blocks tumbling down to the ground in front of him. Yoko recoiled at the sudden act of violence, but his eyes never left hers. Simon was trying to tell her something. But what? Why couldn't he just say? And what was so important that...?

"Come on, Litter," Adiane said, shoving her roughly from the shoulder. "Doc ain't gonna wait all day..."

Yoko stumbled, nearly falling. When she looked up again, Simon was re-building his little block tower, paying no attention to her. _What had he been trying to say to her?_ she wondered.

Her question remained unanswered as she continued through the commons and down another hallway, then a flight of stairs. A light flickered overhead, growing dim as shadows encroached around Yoko and her orderly escort.

She descended into the darkness, deeply afraid of what she might find there.

* * *

They finally reached the surgical room a few minutes later. Adiane escorted Yoko in and locked the door. Her fellow orderlies were there, as was Lordgenome and Doctor Psi. Standing in front of a surgical table tilted on its side. Yoko reflexively froze in the doorway at the sight of it, the ominous slab of padded metal with its myriad leather straps. It looked like something more suited for a dungeon than a hospital, and yet there it was.

Adiane gave her enough shove from behind, though was more careful about keeping it subtle with her fellow practitioners of 'good medicine' watching. Breathing out slowly, the worn redhead stepped up onto the table, scooting back on her butt and resting easily along its length. Doctor Psi was at her side moments later.

"Now, just relax, Yoko..." he said, nodding to the orderlies. They began to gently apply the straps, tightening them around Yoko's ankles, wrists, midsection, and chest. In the case of Adiane, it seemed they were being tightened a little more than was comfortable for blood flow.

Doctor Psi must have sensed her discomfort. "Just relax," he repeated. "It'll be over soon... a minor discomfort... for a life free of pain..."

His words sounded sincere enough, but there was an underlying tone that sounded more menacing than soothing. Like his words held some sort of double meaning he was teasing her with. She frowned up at the good doctor, but only smiled benignly down at her. Something tugged at her mind, but she wasn't quite sure what it was.

Yoko stared straight ahead, shivering. Something was wrong, she could feel it, why didn't she know what it was? Why wouldn't her brain cooperate? She thought back, trying to organize her erratic thoughts. Flashes of memory. Kissing Kamina right before the big battle. The janitor Viral's arm transforming. Throwing a piece of chalk and denting a chalkboard to keep her students from gossiping. The image in the moon of a yellow, five point star. Engaging in the mech battle to end all mech battles in her Tengen Toppa Yoko W Tank. Simon building a block tower then knocking it over.

Blink.

In her mind, she saw the blocks come tumbling down, so huge and mighty they could have crushed her beneath them. A moment later, she was zooming backwards, drawing the letter blocks into focus as she saw them land one-by-one, spelling out new words:

TALI RAN PSI...  
PLIANT AIRS...  
A LIAR PINTS...  
TAIL SPRAIN...  
ASTRAL I PIN...  
ANTI SPIRAL...

Blink.

The _Anti-Spiral_. Yoko looked up, tilting her head to see Dr Psi standing over her, the bright rays of a nearby light reflecting behind his head. As he shifted subtly in front of the light, his whole body seemed to fade and become indistinct. Like it was made of shadows. All she could make it were a pale of circular eyes and a slash of a mouth, which looked almost cartoonish, shifting constantly, never staying still.

The Anti-Spiral.

"No..." she whispered, disbelief lacing her tone. She didn't know why, she didn't know how, all she knew was that one of her most terrible enemies was here, and that meant she was in a terrible, horrible danger. She struggled against the bindings, but they were tight against her skin. Almost impossibly so.

"This isn't real! THIS ISN'T REAL!" Yoko screamed, prompting the orderly to fit a rubber gag between her lips and silence her.

She flexed her arms with all of her might, straining her muscles to the breaking point. At first the leather straps refused to so much as budge, then they began to stretch under her applied pressure, giving inch by inch until she finally ripped her wrist-cuff clean off the table, throwing it to the floor. Guame swiftly tried to grab her arm and restrain her but she punched him in the face for his efforts, knocking him back. A kick of the legs and a wrench of the shoulders and some more restraints quickly followed. Seeing she was free, the other orderlies sprang at Yoko from all angles, trying to grab her thrashing limbs as she ripped away at her bindings like they were tissue paper.

"This!" she elbowed Adiane in the gut, knocking her back. "Is!" an uppercut struck Thymlph in the jaw, sending him reeling. "NOT!" slamming her fists down on Cytomander's back as he tried to grab her midsection. "**REAL!**" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

Her final cry seemed to shake the very foundation of the building, the walls curved ever so slightly from the sheer force of it. The sound blasted the remaining orderlies and even Doctor Psi off his feet, sending him crashing to the ground.

Yoko breathed out heavily, feeling a surge of power she hadn't felt in far too long. The will to live. A fighting spirit. "This isn't real... and I know who I am," she declared, feeling bolder already.

"Yoko, calm down," the dark doctor climbed to his feet, reaching out to her. "You're going to hurt yourself. Please, for your own good, come with me..."

She ignored him, reaching under her shirt for the necklace Nia had given her. Dangling at the end of the string was the drill, but it was no longer a wooden child's toy, it was a real core drill of solid gold. The weight felt good in her hand.

The core drill pulsed, glowing brightly, but it shined brighter still when Yoko moved it, pointing it in a different direction. Like a compass, it was trying to guide her, but which way?

Up, she finally realized, angling the drill to point that way, rewarded with a brilliant shine. It wanted her to go up.

The roof.

* * *

Kicking down the doors to the operating room like they were little more than cardboard, Yoko sprinted into the hallway. From open doors patients and orderlies and nurses watched in varying degrees of awe and surprise as they watched her make a bid for her freedom. Kamina and Kittan cheered her on, and even Rossiu was giving a thumbs up as she ran past. The orderlies tried to stop her, but she mowed through them like a madwoman, knocking the big bad Thymilph like he was a ragdoll and slamming her dainty fist into Cytomander's face so hard it seemed to cave in on itself. She didn't even bother to confront Guame, but instead leapt clear over his balding head and just kept right on running.

The only obstacle that gave her pause was the one at the end of the last hall. After making a sharp swerve left around a corner and making her way towards the stairs, she spotted the janitor standing in her way. And not just working to keep the floors clean, he was positioned right in the middle of the hallway, obstructing her path, and gripping his broom tightly between his hands. Yoko came to a halt, ready to fight if need be, but he apparently wasn't here for that.

With a swift thrust of his foot, he snapped the handle off of his broom and tossed it to Yoko. She caught it easily, feeling a familiar heft in her hands. It was heavier than a broom handle had any right to be... a lot heavier. And somehow she knew that was that point.

"Go," he said, stepping around her and again planting himself in the middle of the hallway. This time between Yoko and her pursuers. "I'll hold them off."

"Thanks, Viral," she said, and pushed open the stairwell door, climbing the stairs. Past first one floor, then another, and still another. After a little while she lost count, unsure of just how high she'd gone. The asylum seemed even bigger than should have been possible, yet this was only further confirmation she was in some sort of nightmare or fantasy.

Finally, she reached the very top, shoving open the door and all but springing out onto the rooftop.

* * *

It was sunset when she emerged on the roof, the sun a half circle of brilliant red far off on the horizon, painting the sky a brilliant swath of reds and purples. Stars twinkled overhead as the galaxy seemed impossibly bright to Yoko, shining down on her and her alone as she stepped onto the rooftop. It was utterly devoid of anything, save the door she'd just come through, and the edge. Pausing only briefly, she consulted the core drill, but it pulsed and glowed equally in any direction she aimed it. Yoko took its meaning immediately.

This was where she was meant to be.

As she stepped over to the edge of the roof for a clearer view, the door slammed open behind her, causing her to whirl around in surprise. The orderlies had caught up to her, as well as Doctor Psi. He looked badly winded, but she knew that was all just an act now, put on her for her benefit. Everything about him was fake, from his kindly words to his grandfatherly smile to his affectation for sweaters and glasses. It was all fake, all surface illusions concealing who and what he was underneath.

"Alright, crazy, just put the broom down and come quietly," Thymilph said as he lumbered onto the roof, looking more and more like a great ape than a man with every step he took.

"Or we can do this the hard way," Adiane added, cracking her knuckles. A scorpion's tail, enormous and tipped with a huge stinger, flickered into view behind it back, then vanished just as quickly.

More of the truth showing through, like a pair of images superimposed over one another. Yoko blinked her eyes, seeing it change back and forth, from the orderlies and Doctor Psi to the whole of reality around her. Everything was an illusion, everything was unreal. Except her. Her heart pounded in her chest as she realized just what she had to do. What she always did when the odds were against her.

Do the impossible.

Yoko shifted her grip on her makeshift staff, ready to fight with it. And somehow sensing she knew how to use it, even if she couldn't truly say she did know.

"Yoko, stop this... we don't want to hurt you... you're not well!"

"Not well?" she repeated, aghast at his accusation. She was finally seeing things more clearly. "Just who the hell do you think I am?!"

With her free hand she grabbed a great fistful of her faded scrubs and with a swift motion ripped them away. When they came off, underneath Yoko was already wearing a pair of tight short shorts and a flame-motif bra, with a leather jacket thrown on for good measure and a pair of amber sunglasses on her head, resting above her golden eyes.

"I am Yoko Littner... . I fight hard... I love hard..." she added after a noticeable tremble in her voice, her lower lip quivering. "And I never run from anything!"

The four orderlies surged forward but Yoko took aim and fired. Each blast from her rifle was a burst of green spiral energy which ripped through their bodies like they were made of sand, scattering them into little more than dust on the wind. One shot, two, three, four, and they were gone. Only Doctor Psi remained, looking more bewildered than she'd ever recalled seeing him.

"Yoko, you have to stop this..." he said, trying to keep his voice soothing. "Your delusions are only getting stronger! Think about what you're doing! Think about your life! You could still be happy. Just, please... put down the broom and come back inside..."

"Not happening," she replied darkly, ejecting a spent spiral shell.

"I can make you happy... blissfully happy. Forever..."

There it was again, that creepy undertone. Yoko shivered in revulsion, tugging back on the bolt of her rifle and priming another round. "No. I'm not playing your mind games anymore. And even if I was, you can't give me what I want. I don't want to just be happy, I want to matter. Happiness isn't a state of being, it's a brief feeling. And not just one you keep all to yourself, one you share with others. With friends, with family, with colleagues... with loved ones. There are no happy endings... only happy moments. And if you don't keep moving forward you'll never find them all."

"You're wrong," he protested, but his response was feeble and she knew it. "If you persist in this madness it will only lead to your self-destruction."

Yoko took a step back, planting her heel on the very edge of the roof and then stepping up onto it, balanced precariously on the edge. She knew instinctively it would be a fatal drop. A dozen stories or a hundred, she'd lost count of just how high she'd climbed. But she also knew it wasn't real. None of this was. She took aim with her rifle, lining up Doctor Psi in her sights, though the cross-hairs instead locked onto a familiar indistinct form of shadows and scribbles. His true form as seen through the scope of a rifle. The Anti-Spiral. He'd been playing mind games with her from the very beginning, and she'd almost fallen for it.

She took a deep breath, letting the anger flow out of her and into her bullet. Her hands did not shake, her aim did not waver. It never did.

"I know who I am."

Yoko fired, the force of her blast ripping through the air, warping reality itself as it tore through the Anti-Spiral like a cruise missile, twisting as it went until his entire body was literally torn to pieces. Fragments of dark energy drifted away on the breeze until they vanished completely, leaving no trace behind. The recoil from the shot knocked Yoko backwards, but she felt as peaceful and calm as ever. She seemed to almost drift on the air as she flew back from the rooftop, knowing full well that, if this was reality, she'd be lucky if she passed out before she struck the ground so very far below. The stars twinkled overhead, so bright and large it seemed as if she could just reach out and touch them. She did so, fingers brushing against the glowy edge of a five-point star as she fell towards the ground.

This wasn't reality. It was only a dream. And it was time to wake-up.

* * *

Yoko opened her eyes. No matter what reality she was in, she was going to face it moving forward and wide awake.

* * *

**Authors Notes:  
**Please review and favorite if you enjoyed.

The mind is truly a tricky thing. As for what was and is real, that's mostly up for you, the reader, to decide for yourselves what is real.


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